Dear Baby,
Nine months have gone by in a flash. We were patient the whole time, knowing that we are cultivating something sacred – you – to be brought into the world at a later, perfect, date. The entire time, we said “May 24th is the due date!” to everyone, ourselves also believing that you would come before or on time. Now it is May 23rd, and you aren’t here. You have dropped, your head is in the right position, your mother is feeling all the signs that you’ll come any time now, but labor hasn’t begun. As a result of this, there is some anxiety, some tension in the air. It feels like you should have come by now, we were sure of it. Your Nani is here with us right now and she keeps telling us “I’m sure he’ll come today!” or “I’m sure he’ll come tomorrow!” every day. So the fact that you aren’t here means that we have to keep hearing these empty declarations of your arrival, and that becomes a little hard on your mom sometimes, who feels that your birth, despite being her responsibility to physically bear, is out of her control. It is her own body, but so many people – not just your Nani – have (unintentionally) claimed a right to it by declaring dates that you must be born. We even took bets at the baby shower on what date you would be born, and only a few people (including myself) chose dates after your due date (for the record, I chose May 25th).
For me, you are going to come when you want to come. I was always relaxed about the whole process, which helped your mother to be relaxed, and I think that has kept us happy and healthy this whole time. I’m not concerned about all the eyes on us or the pressures of people saying you need to be born now. But now that the date is approaching and you’re not here, there is one worry that has entered my mind, and it is not about forcing you out on a specific date. It is simply the health of your mother. The wait for your birth has taken a toll on your mom’s health, psychologically and physically. Psychologically she is extremely strong and I haven’t been particularly worried about her mental health, since we take care of each other really well. But her physical health is something that has taken the greatest hit. Her feet are swollen all the time, she gets out of breath walking more than a few minutes (which is still better than some other people a day before their due dates, admittedly), she can’t sleep at all pretty much, she is hungry all the time, and of course she can’t move normally. My job has been to take care of her by giving her foot massages by hand and with the theragun (a godsend), making food, reaching things for her, occasionally helping her with her shoes (and anything requiring bending down), giving her milk – hang on, I’ve just been asked to give her milk as I write this – and much more. I’m here as her support person when she needs me (and sometimes even if she doesn’t think she needs me). What worries me is that this won’t be enough for long. The last few days of pregnancy, we’ve heard, are tortuous, and now we know that they truly are. They feel like an eternity. I hope you are born soon so that her health can stabilize again.
Meanwhile, since we’ve got nothing to do now but wait (we don’t have any more social or professional engagements for a while), I’ve been keeping myself busy by finding things to do around the house. I’ve been organizing and cleaning in the house, working in the shop and yard, reading articles, making food, helping your mom with her requests, we even got a new grill to test out (and it works great)!! I’ve also been reviewing where exactly we need to go in the hospital when she goes into labor, what to do after you’re born, etc. Needless to say, the anticipation runs high. But hey, we’re getting a lot done around the house!
Sadly, women carry a lot of guilt for everything, especially when it comes to pregnancy and childrearing. If their pregnancy is too difficult, they feel guilty, as if it’s their fault that they got sick. If their pregnancy is too easy, they feel guilty, since others have it so hard. If they are not able to give birth totally naturally (ie with an epidural, induction, or c-section), they feel guilty, as if it is some kind of moral failure. If their kid is sickly or doesn’t breastfeed easily, they feel guilty. If their kid has behavioral issues or is born with a disability, they feel guilty. The list goes on and on. So, if you aren’t born on time (or if any other number of things don’t go according to plan), I worry that despite our knowledge that it isn’t her fault, your mom may be pressured by society to feel guilty. We’re lucky that your mom hasn’t been sick throughout her pregnancy with you, but we’re hoping for a smooth and timely birth. So do us a solid and at least be born soon, please?
Not to mention that aside from all the worries, we are really excited to meet you! We’ve waited so long and taken such great care that now we are starting to feel restless with anticipation…
Anyway, I just wanted you to know how we’re doing right now, from my side. At the end of the day, whenever you appear will be a blessing and everyone will be happy. So take your time (but hurry up).
Love,
Dad