Dearest Prea,
What a wonderful adventure we’re on! Each day we live together, I find more and more reasons to love you. It has been so shamefully long since I last wrote to you, but in the meantime so much has happened! I just want you to know, I love you and you have no idea how amazing you are. I could spend endless time talking about the reasons I love you (and I intend to do just that throughout my life) but in this letter let me focus on only two: your stunning brilliance and your kindness.
Some time ago, you told me, after I asked you what YOU want, since you’ve been getting me tool after tool, thing after thing that I’m interested in, that what you most want to do is to read more and more, and to think and write. To me, there is nothing more telling about you than this desire of yours. It is a beautiful manifestation of the primal human desire – to KNOW. You don’t stop until you understand whatever you are interested in. This means endless time reading, thinking, talking things over, and finally articulating your own understanding. Whether it is an article you are reading for class or explaining with compassion why someone we know behaves and thinks the way they do, you are relentless in your approach to knowledge. And I love that. I admire your perseverance in the pursuit of knowledge. And even more than that, I admire your willingness to share that knowledge without lording it over others. You have an egalitarian approach to knowledge – never judging anyone for not having the knowledge you have, and always helping everyone get there in their own way. Including me. And I couldn’t be more grateful. Your mind is stunning, and not just for the actual knowledge you possess. It is because along with that knowledge, you lack the big-headedness that often comes along with being knowledgeable. And that leads me to the next thing I love about you – your kindness.
I told you recently that you have an aggressive approach to being kind. You are what I might call “aggressively compassionate”. Perhaps as the Buddha was once upon a time, you too never allow yourself to believe a person is the sum of their parts. That is, you never let yourself fall into the trap of thinking that a quality that belongs to a person, is that person. I am constantly in awe of this vigilance you perpetually exercise on your mind. Or, perhaps as Aristotle would say, you have spent so much time consciously developing the virtue of kindness by exercising this kind of vigilance that now you practice the virtue without the need for the conscious vigilance at all, since the very virtue has been internalized into your mind. How many times have I been willing to conclude that a person is a particular way, when you have wisely guided me to understand that every person deserves more compassion? So many times. And for that too, I am grateful beyond measure. You have made me a better person just by being you! That is a testament to your kindness. You go out of your way, you put in so much effort, it seems (or maybe it is just natural for you), to show compassion to people in their lowest times. Even me.
In recent weeks, I have been thinking about what it means to be supportive. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this too sometime. We have each other, yes, but it’s not as simple as just “being there”. What does being there even entail? We have seen so many examples of couples who are engaged in various levels and types of support for each other (well, sometimes it is more one-sided) on the spectrum of what I think of as support. While observing this with you, I have learned from your example that being supportive is not just about passively being present, but it is about actively seeking out opportunities to show your support. For example, you have sought out the things that I like or want to experience, and you have made every effort to help me experience those things. This requires an active seeking out of the opportunity to show support, which utilizes both your brilliance and your kindness. I can only dream to be as effective as you are at being supportive, but I’m learning from you every day how to be like that, because you already exemplify exactly what kind of person I want to be. Perhaps one potential drawback of being ultimately supportive is that you risk lacking that support for yourself. I sincerely hope that in life, you feel supported too.
There is even more to it, I think. In the song “Dos Orugitas”, the story is of two caterpillars who have to trust that after they go into their cocoons to develop internally on their own, they will see each other again as butterflies. And in this way, they support each other too. By giving each other the space they need in order to do what they need to do on their individual journeys, they don’t suffocate one another either, while being present right there next to the other, waiting until they come out to see each other again. There is an element of faith in this aspect, that even in letting each other go, there is support. I think this is a very profound idea, a beautiful expression of what it means to be a true partner.
And in you, I know, I have found a true partner.
I love you forever,
Varun