Thursday, September 24, 2020
Charlotte, NC
Dear Prea,
I hope this letter finds you smiling! So, we’re married, hooray! The last several months with you has been the most delightful and rewarding time of my life. I wanted to share a few reflections on what makes our marriage and relationship so deeply enjoyable thus far; perhaps you’ll have more ideas to share.
It seems to me that there are only a few things that people really need: food, shelter, health, love, friendship, intellectual stimulation (if you’re into that)… the list is pretty short. This forms the core structure of our successful and joyful survival in life. But we are taught from a young age that we cannot have these things unless we build up a scaffolding of ancillary things (also confusingly called “success”) around this core structure that allows us the freedom and space to enjoy the core: money, a “good” education from a “good” institution, a 9-to-5 job, a big house, extreme amounts of security… the list can be endless. In the process, we end up prioritizing the scaffolding and slowly forgetting about the core things that we were after in the first place. Life becomes about getting more money, more things, a bigger house, a faster and more luxurious car, etc., when in reality all we wanted was some love.
I think one of the reasons we are so happy together is because we mutually decided to kick away the scaffolding and live for the core structure. Since for our entire relationship we have been actively focusing on our love, intellectual/emotional friendship, cooking together/for each other, and just being together, we don’t feel any lack, any desire for something beyond what we already have. It doesn’t require massive amounts of wealth to be happy, or to find friendship, or to eat healthy/well, but it requires a time investment, and a desire to live for the important stuff.
Another reason is that we prioritize each other, and trust in that arrangement. I may have a hundred things on my mind, or things I need to do, but if you need something, I am always there for you, and I trust that it is likewise true as well. As a result, I find my needs naturally being taken care of, and I make sure that yours are met as well. We genuinely care about each other in this way, and that is such an important factor in the happiness we feel on a constant basis.
We have the added advantage of the support of our loved ones, which makes our lives easier. We make sure to take time out of our day to call our parents/siblings/families, and knowing they are there for us should the need arise contributes greatly to our mutual security.
Finally, we make sure to have fun. All. The. Time. We laugh, we make jokes, nothing is beyond comedy. We do fun things. We watch things together, we read things together, we go on adventures together. Road trips, hiking, playing sports, gardening, sharing fun videos and memes we saw on the internet, playing board games, listening to music, audiobooks, our parents (just kidding! But seriously though)… all these things contribute to a life full of joy. It’s not mere focus on the serious stuff that makes us work as a couple.
I’m sure there are more factors in the mix, but I’m writing this to you to share my current thoughts on the matter. Living life with you is the greatest happiness I have ever experienced, and even though there is a kind of chemical X that seems to make it work naturally, I think a few of the above things help in that regard. What do you think?
Love,
Varun