My Dear Son,
Right now, your mom, Nani, Aunty Mayleen and I are flying to Delhi from Bali via Ho Chi Minh City. We had an excellent time in Bali, and we are excited to go to India. We got lucky and nobody is sitting next to us, so your mom’s head is in my lap and my hand is on her belly… that is, you. It’ll be her first time to India ever. Can you believe that? Her family came to the Caribbean as indentured laborers from India 5 generations (like 120 years) ago, and nobody has been back to India since! I wonder whether she will feel a connection to India or not. We shall see.
It has been four months since you started growing inside your mother’s womb. You and your mom are healthy and happy, and I am very happy and thankful for that. You haven’t given her any trouble so far, what a peaceful baby! This is a relief for us but also a worry — “Is he ok? Is he still there?” your mom keeps asking me. My job so far has been psychological and physical support. I reassure her, feed her, make sure she is comfortable and taken care of… all things that you may get to experience one day with someone special in your life.
I think you are a very lucky child, simply because Prea is your mother. One day you will understand that having her as your mom is the greatest blessing in your life. The way she thinks, the way she acts, the way she moves through the world — if you can imbibe even half of that, you will already be one of the best humans on earth. She worries from time to time about whether she will be a good mom, but I know that she will. I have no doubt in my mind that you will turn out perfectly, if only on the power of her mothering. For her, life is about balance. Let each experience that comes your way not sway you too much that it knocks you over. Remain balanced, and you will never fall. I’m sure you will learn many valuable lessons from her.
Bringing you into the world is a great joy, but we do it with some trepidation. The world can be beautiful, but it can also be harsh. Right now, valuable resources are being depleted, trash heaps are accumulating, the global temperature is rising, the ice caps are melting, gun violence is at an all-time high, racism is on the rise, real people are suffering under capitalist regimes, there are multiple wars being waged, the rich are getting richer, and the poor are getting poorer. We have done our best in our lives to do what we can to be part of the solution, but regrettably it seems the world is being left worse than how we found it. So why are we bringing you into the world?
I want you to know that we chose to have you. You are an expression of our deep love for each other. We wanted to bring you into the world because to us, there can be no greater joy than the human expression of our togetherness. You are both of us. You mean the world to us. Despite all that is going on in the world, you will inherit everything we have to give, including our senses of self, and from my perspective, the world can use more people like your mother. In a way, producing you is part of our effort towards leaving the world better than how we found it.
We recently found out that you are a boy! We would have been happy either way, but you being a boy means I have the extra pleasure (and responsibility) of teaching you how to be a boy (if that is what you choose to be). I received this training from my father, and he from his father before him (well, he may have learned it more from his eldest brother, but that’s a story I’ll tell you another time). There is so much to learn (and unlearn), but mostly the training is about how to be kind. Kindness is not only something to practice in your interactions with other people, but also includes the cultivation of a particular kind of knowledge about how people are impacted by the conditions that surround them. You, too, are a person who is caught between your knowledge and the conditions into which you were born, thus you must practice kindness with yourself too. Your mother is an embodiment of this kindness that I speak of – why do you think I married her?? You are so lucky that you will have a living, breathing example of this teaching right in front of you as you grow up.
The world will teach you many things about who you are supposed to be just because you are a boy, Indian, Caribbean, American, a particular height, weight, color, etc., but I promise you that we will always support your decisions to be whoever you want to be. We will unlearn the things the world wants you to be, and learn the ways and the person you want to be. We cannot wait to meet you and get to know you!! Your birth will mean a great change in our lives and the beautiful start of yours.
We love you,
Dad (it feels so natural to say this, thank you for giving me the honor of being your father!)