Dear Varun,
I know I just wrote you but I supposed there isn’t much to respond to in that latter. I’ve been reading / listening to a book while you have been gone, though, so I thought I would write you a much shorter letter about the subject of that book. (I still really want to read Ender’s Game, but I haven’t been doing much reading outside of my diss. The only reason that I was able to “read” this book is because I was listening to it while doing things around the house. Not having you here to talk to you means I fill the quiet sometimes with audiobooks again.)
The Midnight Library (you might remember me mentioning it before) is about a woman, Nora, who is deeply unhappy with her life and depressed. When we first meet Nora, she is a bright teenager in a library thinking about what she might want to be when she grows up. While talking to the librarian, she learns that her father has just died. The next time we meet Nora, she is an adult and has just been informed by an acquaintance that her cat is on the road and is dead. The next day, her boss tells her that she isn’t a very good employee and fires her. Before doing so, she learns that her brother had recently come into the music store where she works but had purposely come on the day that she wasn’t there. We learned that she, her brother, and her brother’s friend had been in a band but Nora quit the band and her brother and his friend have never forgiven her. We learned a couple more things about Nora – her mother died not too long ago, she called off a wedding abruptly, her best friend and her no longer really have any contact, she gives music lessons but no longer has the desire to play, she could have been a competitive swimmer but gave it up just before her father’s death, and lastly that her neighbor who depended on her for getting his pills no longer needs her assistance. Feeling worthless and like she contributes nothing to the world, Nora writes a long Facebook update, calls her brother to tell him she loves him, writes a short note, and ingests a large number of pill with the intention to commit suicide.
Where Nora ends up going is an “in-between” place called the Midnight Library (because it is midnight, a time between night and day). In the library, she meets her childhood librarian who is taking care of an endless supply of green books. In the books are all the possible lives Nora could have lived if one decision was different than what she made. The possibilities are endless because changing anything, no matter how small, changes her life. Among the books is a gray book called the Books of Regrets which holds all the regrets Nora has ever expressed. Some of them are minor such as I wish I didn’t wear x, some are larger such as I wish I didn’t quite band. The librarian tells Nora that, using the book, she can decide to reverse a regret, that is make a different decision, and experience the life in which that decision is true. If Nora is truly happy in that life, she can stay. If, however, she feels a deep sense of disappointment, she will return to the mignight library and can experience a different life until she truly feels that she would rather have death (or it may be possible for her to return to her current life).
At first I wasn’t sure if I was enjoying the book. In some ways, it is very predictable. I feel certain that Nora will decide to stay in her current life and will learn from the experience to appreciate / be grateful for the life that she has. In other words, it is about having some perspective. Because I am so sure this will be the ending, I hesitated to continue. I decided to look up the book online again. Some people loved it of course and others found it to be predictable and Nora not to be a likable character. I stayed clear of any spoilers but one commentator’s post really stuck out to me. Because I didn’t write this post last night when the exact phrasing was stuck in my head, I can’t remember exactly how they put it but it was something like – this book asks the question what does it mean to live a fulfiling life full of regrets?
I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I don’t think I have any regrets although I have had some rough times. There was were times I certainly wondered how life would be different if x wasn’t true or if I had done y instead. And there were certainly moments in my life where it was more than just wondering and a real feeling of “if only, maybe…” I definitely have wondered “why.” Recently, though, I have come to understood all those things as leading to this happiness with you. But that is the thing right? I am happy. So of course I understand those things in that way. What if I wasn’t happy? Is it possible to live a fulfilling life full of regrets? Is the answer no? As long as you see them as “regrets” then you can’t because it prevents you from enjoying the moment? What if the moment is not particularly enjoyable?
Anyways, I leave it here for now because I want to hear your initial thoughts before I make the mistake of blah blaming on. I have decided to continue the book by the way. If it ends up the way I expected, I want to see how it plays out which I suppose is a little bit like being in the Midnight Library.
All my love,
Prea