Happy Birthday – Dear Prea, Dear Varun

Dear Varun,

It’s true that I may be procrastinating instead of working on my diss right now but you’ve been gone two days now and it’s rainy and cold and I just want to cuddle with you. So indulge me a little as I start this long overdue blog post. Since your last post, I have thought a lot about what I wanted to write. I decided that the next post would be for your birthday which gave me some more time to think. I know it’s perhaps cliche but for your 33rd birthday, I wanted to tell you 33 things about you that I admire and find so special. Yes, these lists are a little cheesy and overdone but I think for you it’s especially important to hear these things because you have little awareness of how wonderful you are. When you express surprise at why you would be the favorite among your family or when you berate yourself for not being smart enough or for “doing everything wrong”, my heart hurts because I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. If you could, you would know how incredibly bright and warm your light is. So allow this to be my way of holding a mirror up to show you who you are.

33 Things I Love About You

Your patience: I’ve never known anyone with as much patience as you. Long after I would have become frustrated with a conversation, your patience never waivers. I’ve watched you talk to so many people. You never raise your voice, get angry, become snappy, etc. no matter what the person says. I’ve told you this before but whenever I am about to lose my patience with someone, I remember you and I think about how you would handle the situation. That has allowed me to calm down so many times and practice patience and compassion. It has forced me to listen which brings me to the second thing.
Your ability to really listen: You never just hear what I say or what others are saying but you really and truly listen to them. You think about what they mean not just the words coming out of their mouth. I’ve never met anyone with the ability to listen like you. I don’t know if I’ve told you this before but while we were planning the wedding, your mom called me to find out our story. I didn’t realize at the time that she was taking notes for Ravi Uncle and Vinita Aunty’s play. I just thought she genuinely wanted to know so I shared more than perhaps I should have. In any case, one of things I mentioned loving about you is your ability to listen. She responded to this with a knowing comment – yes, she said, that is the thing we all love about him. It is something worth remembering and remarking on because it is so incredibly rare.
Your smile: is there anything as wonderful as your smile? Your entire face becomes welcoming and warm and it does something to my heart strings. Getting to see your smile is the best gift I have ever been given. I wish I could take your hand and allow you to feel how your smile makes me feel. That’s why I had the dream I had. Because that smile and your laughter mean the world to me. It is the reason I eagerly scroll through instagram reels, looking for something that will make you laugh. I don’t watch the reels as much as I am watching you and filling myself up on your joy.
Your eagerness to learn and become better: You are like a sponge. You are always taking everything in, learning from it, and applying it in your life. I can’t tell you how inspiring this is. I’m always trying to play catch up because I see how much and how quickly you absorb things. You are always striving to me better and it pushes me too because I want to be better for myself and for you.
Your teaching: Dude. You are a PHENOMENAL teacher. Your students adore you. What I love most about your teaching is not just the way you teach but how available you are to your students. You are a mentor in every sense of the word. That love you have for your students is so endearing and infectious. If you ever question the impact you are having in the world, remember yours students because I guarantee the things you have told them, the way you have taught them to think, and how you have opened their eyes will stay with them through many lifetimes. And that is more effective than any article you can write.
Your sense of style: I love the way you dress. Now I know you will say I bought your most recent clothes but (1) I bought things I knew you would like because that was already your style not because I was giving it to you and (2) You’re the one that puts combinations together and they always look so sharp. Personally, I prefer a style of dress that is classic in the sense that no matter the time period, it always looks great and that is how I would describe your sense of style. You are always neat and sharp and put together. I am always so proud to stand by your side because you make me look good.
How you say yes more than you say no: I don’t know how many crazy ideas I’ve suggested and you always say yes. What to spend the day cuddling? Yes. Want to go here for lunch? Yes. What to go painting? Yes. What to go to the peonies festival? Yes. Want to move to Haiwaii? Yes. Want to travel to this random place? Yes. Want to have a baby? Yes. 😛 It’s really quite freeing to be with someone that says yes more than they say no. It opens up so much more possibilities.
Your willingness to always try new things: This is connected to the last one. You saying yes is connected to your willingness to try new things and expand your knowledge. There are so many house projects that we have done or things that we have tried because you see the world as a fun adventure. I am so thrilled to be on this adventure with you.
Your protectiveness: I would have not pegged you as especially protective. To be honest, it always surprises me when you express an element of protectiveness or a feeling of “you’re mine” (not in the creepy or obsessive way). When you do, it always makes me feel warm all over and special. It’s not just me that you are protective of. I’ve seen the way it comes out with your family, especially your brother, your friends, and your students. And although you are flexible and often bend, you are also strong, tough, and powerful. There is a Japanese proverb about how the bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists. I think that perfectly describes you. You are an admirable combination of softness and hardness.
How handy you are: Thank god for this! We can do so many things in the house not just because you are willing to do it but because you are so good at it! No matter what the project is I know you will do it neatly and correctly which means we can tackle so many things together. And I love being your assistant and watching you work. It is incredibly sexy to see you work with your hands – both with a hammer and with the piano!
Your thoughtfulness: Everything you do and say is done with such thoughtfulness and care. I really appreciate that about you because everything is with purpose and meaning. Your birthday gift for me, for example, was so meaningful because of what it symbolized. But it isn’t just with gifts. You are so thoughtful in everything you do. Every single day you make my life easier by all the little things you do. I know that I do not say it enough but thank you, thank you so much for being so incredibly kind all the time.
Your way with Prem: When we first got together, I was really worried that you wouldn’t like Prem or that you would be bothered about having a dog. There are a lot of unpleasant things to get used to with a pet, especially a dog and a dog like a German Shepherd – the smell, the hair, picking up poop, getting up early to take him on walks, the barking, worrying about how he will react to someone, all his accessories (bed, toys, treats), and let’s not forget the PremFarts. It was a lot to ask you to take on because you never asked for a pet nor did you want one. Early on, when you said you liked Prem, I felt like you were forcing yourself to like him because of me, because you wanted me to be happy. There still seemed to be some distance and hesitancy on your part. But now that it is totally good. Prem is more your dog than my dog even and he is definitely OUR dog. He adores you. Like seriously, loves, loves, you. And you are so relaxed and free with him. It seems that you two have really bonded and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. We are a little family and I feel like all my wishes and desires have been fulfilled.
The way you talk to people: I’ve watched you interact with so many people now. I love seeing how carefully you listen to everything they have to say, how easily you are able to put them at ease, how you always make them feel important and valued. You have taught me so much just by the way that you interact with others. I’ve started referring to customer service agents by their last name because of watching you. I’ve forced myself to better remember names and facts about strangers because I admire how easily you do it. Everyone deserves to feel important and special and you do that for everyone every single time you speak to them.
The way you write: Some people write convoluted sentences that they think make them sound smart. Not you. Everything you write is simple and straight-forward and exactly the style of writing that I enjoy reading. You’ve helped me become a clearer writer and I can’t thank you enough for that.
Your voice: I love the sound of your voice. It is so warm and soothing. A bit like Tennessee Whiskey actually. I’ll never forget the first time you sang for me. Despite the night’s events, you singing to me was the actual high.
Your butt: no explanation necessary
Your love for your family: I am close to my family so when I saw how close you were to yours, I knew that I had married into the right family. And I love being able to say that I am part of your family now too.
The way you treat my family: This makes me so happy Varun. Seeing how much my parents love you, I feel like I’ve finally done something right in life.
Your STEM background: First, it means that I can ask you a bunch of science-y questions but, more importantly, it gives you such insight into things. Combining the arts and the humanities is one thing I wish colleges would take more seriously. You are a prime example of how harmoniously they can fit together and enhance each other.
The fact that you were a terrible student: because it has made you a better teacher. It is also endearing. You are so amazing that sometimes it is intimidating. Knowing this fact about you reminds me that you are in fact human. But then that just makes you even more amazing because of how hard you have worked to get where you are. Real life Midoriya.
How athletic you are: dude it is so cool. I know you don’t like bragging but I love bragging about you. Yeah people, he has brawn and brains! It is so sexy to watch how smooth you are.
Your love for language: You have taught me so much about language and texts. It because of talking to you that I now have an appreciation for the value of texts in any study and the wonder that is language. You make me want to learn more – mostly so that I can share things with you but also because it has opened up a whole new world for me.
The way you push people to reach outside their comfort zone: I’m not just talking about your students. I’m talking about your friends and the hours you spend talking to them about various subjects. You never just give up. Instead you take however long they need (sometimes years!) and keep challenging them until they are able to make steps on their own. I know it is not always easy for you but when I see how help others, it gives me the courage to do the same.
How affectionate you are: If I grab onto you a 100 times a day, you always, always hug me back. It is so sweet. You never push me away or tell me that you are busy or that you don’t have time. You speak to me so softly and gently even when I mess up over and over again. It is so comforting to be with someone and know that you will always be safe and not judged.
How interested you are in learning about West Indian culture: It’s so fun because I can share so many things with you! You like listening to the music, eating the food, learning about the language and sayings. It means that I don’t have to give up anything to be with you. Instead my world has just expanded.
Your sense of humor: I know you don’t think you are funny and I’m not sure why other people have told you that but I love your jokes. You are always making me laugh. I actually find you really witty and I love when your dry sense of humor comes out since that is totally my sense of humor too. Thank you for always laughing with me babe.
How damn smart you are: You don’t even know. Seriously. You have no idea how brilliant you are. You are always underestimating your intelligence and your ability. But you are so sharp and I love talking with you because I learn so much. I know you think because you don’t always have the content that that means you aren’t smart but a person can always input content. What is much harder is learning to think and that you always do. Please be kinder to yourself and don’t get frustrated if you feel that you are behind. We are always behind. That is just the nature of academia, the world, etc. but please trust me when I tell you that you are brilliant, witty, and sharp and I am so damn lucky.
How excited you are by everything: This a characteristic most children have and, for some reason, we lose it as we get older. Not you though. You are excited about so many things in life and that excitement and sense of wonder is contagious. Please don’t ever lose this. I don’t care if it means that you love every single movie that has ever been made. That is so much better than being the person who complains about everything.
The fact that you are a lefty: it’s perhaps my favorite thing we have in common because lefties are so rare in general and to be married to one is amazing. I’ve said before that you understand the way that I think, but you literally understand the way I move as well. Our house can totally be a lefty house because we both are lefties (I think Prem is too honestly). That’s so cool! I love making righties feel like the odd one out because, umm, they’re lame. You being a lefty also helps me keep the power of the lefty alive in my family since so many people on my mom’s side are lefties.
How organized you are: You are a joy to do any project with because you are so organized. I love that we work in similar ways and that we can share one dropbox and not drive each other crazy because we intuitively know how the other person will organize something.
How honest you are: It means that I can always trust you. No matter what. I’ve never had someone I could fully trust until you. They said trust is the foundation of any relationship. If that is true, then I don’t think our foundation could be any stronger. I would gladly put my head on a block for you (as Trinis say).
Your cuddles: the absolute best. Nothing else needed to say. There is not a single thing I want more than to rest my head on your shoulder for the rest of my life.
The way you love me: I’ve never been loved the way you love me. You have taught me what it actually means to love a person. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed thinking about how lucky I am to have a person who loves me the way that you do. I hope you know, Varun, that I love you just as much. I will spend the rest of this lifetime and many more trying to show you how much you mean to me and how grateful I am to have you in my life. Thank you babe for choosing me.

You are my heart, my love, my everything. Happy birthday, my love.

Yours Always,

Prea